My year in review …

I’m on my bed, nursing injuries I acquired earlier this week, musing about what this year has been for me.

Almost about this same time,  last year, I made a blog entry with a lot of enthusiasm on how I was expectant of this year. It was the year that I was turning 30. That alone was a huge milestone for me.😊

2016 has been a year that has taught me lessons a few people may take a lifetime to achieve.

My year started off with the end of a 7 year relationship that I had invested all my worth into. It tore me. I lost everything I had ever worked for in the blink of an eye. Went to bed rich, woke up a beggar😊. I chuckle

It has been an year that taught me what resilience means. I knew I was tough alright, but I didn’t know how much inner strength I had. I don’t know if this is inborn or if I owe it to God, but on days I felt I didn’t deserve to live, I woke up to the hope of having a better day than yesterday.

2016 has taught me the value of Friendship. The value of family. It brought about for me, people who I never would have thought of, to hold me together. Friends became strangers but the most beautiful thing, is that strangers became friends. To everyone that held my hand in 2016, I can never ever truly thank you or repay you.  But deep in my heart, I always know I owe you one. God bless you. Miriam Nzilani, TSL aka Laura Munga, Nusu, Chopie, Shiru and Shiru, Muchina, your Mum, Mish, Sabbie, Nesh, my Cucu (bless her soul) and above all my dad. You all left a positive mark in my heart. And to everyone who made a point of making me know that I am a special child of God. Thank you.!!

This year has just been full of lessons. I learnt how to believe in myself. Learnt how to trust in God  even when everything seemed so bleak. Learnt how to unlearn all the things I had picked up along life’s road.

In 2016 , I have learnt it’s not easy being a young, hot, successful woman. The bile that so many have against me is palpable. Never a day goes before I hear a rumor about me , sleeping around to make it in life. I cannot even keep a male friend 😂😂. God knows how many sleepless nights I have had thinking of how to strike my next deal or how many times I have worked unconventional jobs just to take care of me and mine. If you have an explanation as to how I have worked days and nights on end on my Matatu sometimes as driver , other times as a dondaa, then share it, cos I don’t. I have learnt to ignore the foolishness around means focus on what’s important. Your words And lies about me haven’t stopped me from making an extra shilling.🤑 Keep at it😉

I learnt how to be a better parent in 2016. Losing my friends was a blessing in disguise. I have learnt how to take comfort in hanging out with my babies. Learnt that it’s not material things that have kept them happy.

I learnt what it feels like to have nothing and as such it has made me very compassionate. I have become less judgmental. Very indifferent. Fair and sober in decision making. Decisive. Most importantly, YOLO is no longer just a phrase for me.

I have been through Near Death Experiences. I have seen it all. Suffered derision. Scorn. Hatred. Fame. Success. Loneliness. Emptiness. Abundance… Everything in equal measure. And in all this, one thing stood true for me, God lives. Yes. He does.

So, as the year draws to an end, I have zero regret for the choices I made. Zero regret for the path I walked. I am grateful for all the lessons that 2016 threw my way. They were a wonderful foundation for the start of the rest of my life.

So yes, I wasn’t able to throw the mega birthday party I was  meant to but clearly, this year has Been a party since January. Parties of all sorts. Trust me.

I can only wait to see what the year ahead holds in store for me.

Ooh, yes, as I share my chronicles as a young woman in the errant Matatu Industry. Stay tuned 🤓

Growing up takes more than adding onto years..

I have just finished watching an episode of Sophia The First which has reminded me of my last blog post. The mind can play serious tricks on us when we allow it to… Rightly, so.

Tonight, I’m not here to whine or mourn about what was. Or may have been. No. Tonight marks a new journey into freedom.

A while back in my literary musings, I made a Facebook post that rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. I was celebrating my freedom. They thought I was condemning them.

These past few months have seen me grow. Grow immensely. A common joke between my best friend and I has been, I have also moved to the heavier side of the scale. Yes, I have. My favourite jeans can no longer go up my thighs.😜

When my world came tumbling down, I didn’t think I would have the strength for live and fight another day. I wanted to die. God, however, had a different plan how my life was to pan out.

Nights on end, I stayed up late in the night questioning Him and blaming Him for all my woes. I cried. I prayed. I hoped. I despaired. Eventually, I surrendered. He answered. Prayers He knew deserved His urgent attention. The rest, I believe He’s working on. In His order of Priority not mine.

This is not to say, my life has been without challenges. No! I have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride!! I have had personal attacks on my sole source of livelihood, had personal attacks on my character. Personal attacks on almost everything I have laid my hands on.

But in all of this, I haven’t lost my Faith. I haven’t lost my Focus. One wise man,a long time ago, said if you stop to throw a stone at every stone that barks at you, you’ll never reach your destination. I believe all, I’m facing is to prepare me for something better. Something beyond my imagination .

The  best thing that has come out of all this, I have learnt to how to find peace in the eye of the storm. God lives. Above all.

He’s been replacing what I lost. Let me rephrase that. He has been replacing What is important in my life and weeding our the junk. Sending me to places my wildest imagination would never have seen. Basically, He’s moulding me to What He wants me to be. Not what I want to be. He’s even sent a new sherrif to my town😉 But that remains a story for another day…

God Lives.

Weetabix? Yes, please!!

A while back, I made a promise to myself that I was going to write how Weetabix saved my life. Yes it did. Not too long ago. I’m curled up on my couch, playing silly games with my kitten, whiskers. How else to wrap up this night, than to write?

Weetabix? Well, this is household brand that spans continents. And yes for me, I practically grew up on it. It was always a cereal until a recent encounter that has since changed my life.

On my travails on social media, sometime in December 2015, I stumbled upon a post by Weetabix EA. That had an upcoming fitness competion courtesy of some trendy gadget they call the Fitbit. All that was required was a recent photo and a few words saying why you needed to be fit in 2016.

I literary raked through my gallery on my phone looking for the most appealing fitness looking photo. I settled on one that I thought had best captured my features… Nice pose and all… I’m sure you al know how it takes a girl fourty photos, yet she’ll end up uploading the first of the them. Le sigh…

I will not deviate any further… I sent out the photo and practically forgot about it. It wasn’t until sometime in January when I received a message informing me of my Fitbit win and subsequent selection to a challenge aptly named, The Fitbix Challenge. I must have gone to pick up my prize that day I received the text or the day after. My mind is a bit hazy on these details. I was excited to say the very least!!

Lets just say a few Kenyan habits almost made me not start off the competition on time. A whole week later, I still wasn’t able to sync my Fitbit with any of my gadgets! I had, several times, called the coordinators of this challenge to complain of a faulty device… One evening, a few hours to the start of the competion, I sent a screen shot of what my Fitbix’s screen was looking like, seeking help! You don’t wanna now what the remedy was?

Growing up, for the few of us who were lucky to have TV sets that came with remote controls, our parents taught us how to put the batteries in and put the remote back in the clear paper it came in to keep it safe from scratches and damage. That is what I had done… Not peeled off the paper that comes on the screen of the device😂😂😂 I was the butt of all jokes in the group for a couple of hours until the serious business began!!

I started off pretty strong! It was a 4 week challenge. At the end of week one, I was at position 3! Ha! It was my saving grace! At the start of the second week, there was a tweak to it. Almost all challenges posted online required a friend to do with or to do it. I failed terribly here… I guess very few people were buying the idea of a fitness challenge by Weetabix EA. The few loyal peeps gave it their all.

However, the in two final weeks of the challenge my life started to fall apart! I started to lose everything I had worked for one after the other. Misfortune plagued me left, right and center. Somehow, I didn’t give up on the Fitbix challenge. My scores took a nose dive. I lost all enthusiasm. It was baaaaad!

For anyone who has gone to bed in the clouds and woke up in the dust, they would know what it feels to wake up with nothing to look forward to. I don’t know if Midas had an evil twin, but everything I touched at the time turned from gold to dust😔😔. I lost a relationship that had taken away seven years of my life.  With it went down my job, my  investment, my dreams, worst of all my hope and faith.

The grand finale for the challenge was slated for 2nd of April. I invited my friends who had accepted to take challenges with me during the competition for a family fun day. We took along all our children. It was practically my day. On my own, I had a team of 9. Thank you Weetabix EA for hosting us.

I had other plans however, that day was meant to be my exit strategy rom the world. I had it all planned out… It was the start of the Kenyan winter, despite our erratic weather patterns. A charcoal brassiere was what would have been the slow train ride out of earth for me and mine. I could no longer face the world. I had nothing else left to them or myself. I had reached out to who I thought at the time were real friends and family, they had turned their backs on me. Everyone told me how strong they knew I was, and how sure they were I would bounce back! They said with my kind of brain, I would very quickly find a solution to my problems. What they didn’t know then, I had clutched at straws. Clutched at blades, but I was sinking, faster than I had imagined. I was stuck in a dark abyss. Alone. Hurt. In despair. Broke. Broken. Hopeless….

Throughout the day, that cold 2nd day of April, I kept zoning in and out of my plans. I kept asking myself if I was strong enough to follow through with my plan. Asked myself if my friends would feel betrayed. At one point I wondered if we would all, (my children and myself) would all make the entry into the afterlife together. And if I happened to die alone, what would the future hold for them? And if we all finally did make the final bow, would God forgive me? Or would He judge me too harshly?

Thankfully, the activities slated for that day were grueling. Involving. Fun.  I barely had time to justify my thoughts. At the end of the day, after a speech from CEO, Mr. Manji, lunch, loads of hampers and some money from the team I was on, team Yellow, I was ready to go back to the cold, dreary house that I call home to get on with it! In my mind I knew the interment of the bodies would have been sometime a week later… I take a moment to laugh.

We were all in high spirits our way back from Karura forest. My children asked me to take them back a second time. They had had immense fun! In my mind, I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I said yes anyway. My friends were so grateful for a day well spent. For networks created. For the fun and of course the hampers.

I reach home. We were deadbeat. Fatigued. Tired beyond the core. My children gleefully took out their Weetabix products from their gift hampers each planning what they would start with and when. I smiled sadly.

However, on my way to light the jiko, I had a look in my kitchen cupboard where all the product had been safely stashed away… It was breakfast that would last us months. Not to mention I had earlier received a Weetabix gift hamper in the course of the Fitbix challenge which we still hadn’t finished eating from. And now this??🤔🤔

If any mourners were to camp at my house, I thought to myself, they would first marvel at how much healthy cereal I have in the house. Then they will proceed to eat and enjoy it, while our bodies lie rigor mortis at the local morgue… Ah! Ah!

I quickly abolished the suicide mission. There was no way I was going to make the exit without first enjoying my Weetabix. I made a reckon, that I would revisit the plan, once all the cereal ran out! 😂😂🙈🙈

The fact, that I am writing this, despite my Weetabix cereal getting finished last week, and laughing about it, can already tell you I haven’t revised my case! Trust me, I never will!

In so many words, Weetabix and in specific, Weetabix EA saved my life. Had it not been my zealous love for Weetabix and my reluctance to allow anybody else enjoy my goodies, I would just be another memory people live by!

Long live Weetabix. Viva Weetabix!image

Reality hits home

She is cheap because she loved you. She is fat because she gave birth. She is bitter in her heart because she was badly hurt. She is boring in bed because you killed her affection. You cheated on her a million times but she still decided not to walk away. You treated her like a joke, & she acted like it was all funny. Don’t judge her choice of life, without understanding the reasons.
A hurt woman is a very dangerous woman. she forgives quickly but she doesn’t forget that easily. She want you to own up your mistakes, but you choose to ignore her rhetoric questions. Even in 20 years to come, she will still remind you that one question you left pending. Its completely not her fault to carry on with the past. She is wired that way. ‘How hard is it to solve issues?’. Her pain doesn’t heal just like that, but she opts to live with the burden. She fakes that smile. She fakes that orgasm. She fakes everything, just not to kill your Ego. She weigh the odds but bury the pain under her feet. She cries at night, but in the morning she acts like everything is fine.Deep inside she died decades ago, the intimacy is all gone, her inner peace is no longer there, she is hurt & tired of all the drama, tired of being not good enough, tired of games & tired of life. Everyone thinks she is happily married but if only they knew…

I read this somewhere and it resonated so much with my life. I had to borrow and use it.

One of the major lessons I have learnt about life. Well, about marriage in general it takes more than a pretty face, a well toned body, a forgiving heart, an understanding soul, a charming personality or a pillar of support to make a marriage work. No, being hardworking or staying faithful still doesn’t count if you want your marriage to work. Don’t ask me what does? I too, don’t know. I did all the aforementioned, and guess what? It wasn’t good enough.

It has taken me years of holding on. Taken me years of so much forgiving, years of an iron woman holding my home together despite the fact that I was dying inside each day.

In the beginning , I was a care free soul. I laughed a lot at my own folly and I always saw the glass as half full. I was a bubbly soul! Until, I was told that being married came with maturity. I needed to take a more serious approach to life. I needed to stop being so childish. Suddenly, jokes weren’t that funny. Slowly but surely laughter became a chore.

When I threatened to leave the first time I discovered infidelity , I was told only a fool breaks her on home over something as minor  as a fling. After all, I was the recipient of the bacon he brought home. It would be suicidal to throw away the baby with the bath water. With remorse he asked for my forgiveness. Not wanting to be the bad one, I did forgive. One too many times s it later went on to be. Heck, I think I was giving Jesus a run a for his money. Remember the seventy times seven times, rule? I must have outdone myself. (I hope this earns me a direct ticket to heaven😀)

After that came the depression. I battled it all out alone. I must have a heart of steel. In this dark time, I lost friends. I don’t blame them. Everyone is busy with life charting their way through life’s murky waters. And I could no longer keep up. In between the facade of being a happy family woman and raising two tots on my own, I hid myself into a cocoon. In the safety of my thoughts. When I raised it with him, he blamed me for choosing to get depressed. He went cold on me. Turned his back. Somehow, I sailed through this one. It must have been the grace of God. There’s no other way to explain my healing.

As soon as I became normal again, I became worthy of his love again. This time I thanked the heavens.They had after all heard, my prayers and answered them. Positively I must add!

And this is where my story officially begins.

I Hate the lessons taught to every young bride. Ndoa ni kuvumiliana, they all say. (Loosely translated to mean marriage is peserverance) Yes. You can forgive. Yes, you can persevere the bad times as you enjoy the good. But where do we draw the line?? At what point do you stop holding on??

I hate the line that everyone selectively uses, A wise woman builds her home and a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Yes, every woman’s dream is to have a functional home. That, to many, is the epitome of success. In this same breathe an abuser will constantly quote this verse of the bible, to make you the woman feel inadequate. Every failed relationship is blamed on the woman. If he cheats on you, it must be because of something you didn’t do right. If he hurls insults at you, it must be because you provoked him. If he hits you, you must have annoyed him. And all the lessons after this are centered on being submissive, being a door mat, being meek and humble that you shouldn’t question what he does. As long as he brings the money home and he takes care of his responsibility. Does anyone ever think that the woman got involved with the man because she loved him?

And then there’s the tag and the esteem that society places on married women. They’re treated like demigods. Woe unto you if you’re a woman, unmarried and with children. Your married peers start to avoid you. They view you as a threat to them. They fear you’d corrupt their morals. The rest, see a morally lose woman who’s groin thirst cannot be quenched. Nobody, but yourself takes you seriously anymore. Little by little, your inner circle grows smaller each day, until eventually, you realize that the only person you can depend is yourself.

Quite honestly, a few times I have battled suicidal thoughts. I have several times planned my exit strategy from this earth, but then I chickened out. Well, it’s not about the fear of death, but for me it’s the hope of what tomorrow might hold, that keeps me going. It’s the fear of missing out on all things nice. And above all, I refuse to be part of grim statistics. My children too, keep me grounded. I keep thinking, if my mama was still alive, I would have made different choices in my life. I lost her to illness, may her soul rest in peace, albeit too early. Just as I was hitting my adulthood. When I feel I needed guidance the most. But, that’s something I cannot argue with God over. He chose her. Chose her then. All his great plan. I cannot fight that.

More often than not, I will make a random phone call. To a long lost acquaintance. Mosts times I lie. It’s the loneliness that drives me to seek them out. Sometimes I hope we will kick off from where we left it. Most times, I find they moved on. We no longer have anything in common. And I respect that.

Why am I writing all of this? I don’t expect him to come running on bended knee seeking a forgiveness. I don’t expect he will read this and think what a jerk he may have been.

They say experience is the teacher of fools. And I agree. If I cannot help myself. My story could help somebody else. We all cannot live on this earth long enough to prove that experience is the best teacher as most would like to believe.

I have a few regrets though.

I held on for too long. I struggled with the good and the bad. Times of abundance and times of scarcity. However, trust broken is hard to mend. Especially if the same things keep plaguing your relationship over and over again.

I forgave too much. They say a great marriage is made of great forgivers not great lovers. And I followed that to the letter. Funny enough, when I erred. Said things, I probably should have have, but not in the tone that I did, I wasn’t forgiven. One good deed deserves another right? Not in this case.

I hoped too much. Kept living  each day with the hope that it would get better with time. I was given a Manual on which to live, followed it to the tee, and the cycle went on and on… As soon as I hit a target, another one was set. So I never was right. Not even once.

Any form of abuse is dangerous. I think, emotional scars are the hardest to heal. They’re invisible to the eye. Unless someone has walked a mile in a similar shoe, no one understands the hurt you’re going through.

Tonight, I stop here. I cannot possibly word my feelings. This happens to be one of the most mundane blog post I will ever make. A post, for which, for the first time in many years, I don’t know how to write.

Knew… Isn’t the same as Know

When she met him seven years back, she knew she had found her life. He was charming, witty, intelligent. Not to mention good looking. He kept every promise he made to her. In fact, a common joke between them was that she could take his word to the bank and get a loan on it ☺️

Living continents apart, he made sure she never felt the distance between them. They spent every free minute on phone or chatting on whatever media was available to them. They were so in sync that each could practically feel it in their bones what the other was doing or thinking at any particular time. They called it telepathy, but deep in their hearts, they knew it was much more that that…

Two years after their initial contact, he had travelled to meet her. They both took a risk that no one thought would pay off. Thankfully, theirs was fate made in heaven… The Stars gave it to them.. As they vacationed, travelled to different countries together, they knew that nothing was going to tear them apart.

Trouble in paradise started when she bore him a baby… The first time, she stumbled upon emails between him and his ex lovers…  Her broke right in front of her own eyes… Her Prince Charming was busy charming others.

Naturally, she confronted him. Big mistake. His response was one she would never have imagined. He changed. Got into a beast mode. Insulted her. Ridiculed her. Made her believe it was her mistake that she had seen those emails… She didn’t understand why? They had no secrets between them.

Two weeks later, he gave a half hearted apology. The damage had been done. She had now seem a different side of his.

Like any woman, she beat herself over it. Blamed herself for seeing what was meant for some one else’s eyes. Started questioning every move she made. Her ego, raped. Her self esteem, crushed!!

It was about this time the abuse started. Her life with him became a critique. He didn’t approve of anything she said or did. Her choice of friends, her choice of words, modus operandi… Heck, he even had a problem with what she wore or how she chose to have her her hair…

By now, her only consolation was prayer. Laughable, isn’t it? On the nights she wasn’t crying herself to sleep, she was nursing sore knees. She had been told, a wise woman builds her house in prayer. And pray she did. Left the battles to the deities.

As if on cue, she got a second strike. He had found somebody somewhat better than she. Neglected all his duties to her.  The cycle repeated itself when she found out about it yet again… Not being one to easily give up, she forgave and held on. Hope was the only thing she fed on…

Each rising day, he came up with a new list of what she should have done to keep him happy. And she struggled to change and keep up with what she was sure would keep him happy… It only went until he complained that she wasn’t the woman he had met. She raised her voice in protest. Trying to remind him, the person she now was, was what he had said he wanted. ‘I’m moulding you into the ideal woman, ‘ he said to her several times. Now, she was confused.

When she tried to go back to the person she was before, he accused her of being hard headed. Difficult. Proud. Stubborn. And nothing that anyone would love. She believed him. He had, after all, said he was the only who would stand such scum😏.

With nowhere to go. And no one to turn to… She held on…

It hadn’t always been doom and gloom for her. They had had their good days. When he insulted her or treated her in a questionable manner. He changed. Not because he wanted to, but because he had pushed to the edge and she was ready to walk out and walk away from the madness…

He gave her monetary treats, took her out on dates. Did things with her like lovers do… Until she mellowed and vowed not to ever let anything break them apart. And the cycle continued.

In those times of insanity, as he always described his tryst, he blamed it on alcohol, the devil… Once or twice he would tell her she pushed him to it, because she didn’t know how to deal with him… Easy to say.

Yes, she didn’t know how to deal with him. Not when he made a point to let her know his friends were much better than she could ever be in a lifetime. And when he made sure his company was just women, who were his BFFs, like the young’uns like to say…. Yes, she didn’t know him at all and every attempt at doing so, was dismissed as she trying to control him or trying to become his equal… It wasn’t once or twice he had called her a man. Devoid of any emotion. He was homophobic. He couldn’t be in a relationship with two Bulls… (Allow me to laugh)

As time went by, he upped his game… Carefully concealed his tracks. Life was blissful between them. They started a number of meaningful projects together. For a moment, she believed her prayers had been heard.

She walked with a spring in her step, a smile n her face, wholly immersed herself into what they were doing together… They needed a bright future.

This went on until she stumbled yet again on damning evidence against him… In his loins flowed blood too hot that he wasn’t able to keep to himself… Naturally, she asked. Though at this point it wasn’t out of disbelief, neither was it out hurt! She asked, to let him know she knew. I do not need to delve into detail how that went down…

You see the problem with pain, you can only take in so much. And when it numbs you, nothing really matters anymore.

One day she looked through her old photos. Saw how full of life she once was. A quick glance at her image on her mirror, she was a pale shadow of her former self. Worry wrinkles had started to form on her forehead. Her eyes lost the spark they once had… She broke down when she compared her after image to her before.

And a light bulb went on in her head and her heart. She was too young to die of misery. When she remembered the many times she contemplated suicide over this same relationship, torrents of tears flowed freely. “How and when did I ever get here?” She asked herself over and over.

She knew she needed to do something. At the time only walking away looked and sounded like the ideal option.

Seven years isn’t exactly a short time. She had invested so much of her time and emotion in this. As had he. A lot of resources has been spent. Besides, the point how do you start over seven years on…? Jacob should have written a book to mentor people. Didn’t he work 14 years to marry the love of his life??

She was sad. He was tired. They both couldn’t make each other happy. He made demands of her. Asked her to fix up, but it was never good enough. When she demanded the same of him, he reiterated his words, a man will never be equal to a woman. And if she couldn’t shack up, she was Free move on… She didn’t know the man standing in front of her anymore.

Nights on end she stayed up trying to figure the way forward. They had had their good moments. They had made memories together… Was she brave enough to make a choice?

Did she have a guarantee her choice would be the right one?

 

 

 

Memoirs of my memories

I was a happy soul until I learnt how to lie.

I lied about my life. About my joys. About my pain.

I was happy until I started living a picture perfect life.

 

I was a happy soul until I learnt how to zip it.

when they thought I talked too much. Or what I said was utter rubbish.

I spoke less each day. Hoping I would conform.

But each day I stopped speaking about the things that mattered, there was when I started losing my soul. My zeal. The will to live.

Each unspoken word, snuffed life out of me.

 

I was a happy soul until I started living to please.

Each attempt I made at doing the right thing was met with contempt. Derision. Scorn.

The more I tried, the harder it became.

Only I didn’t know when to give up.

 

I was a happy soul I learnt the art of deception.

Lying to myself that I was seeking happiness.

The day I was able to lie with a straight face,

To those that cared enough to ask,

I was fine yet I knew inside I was dying…

That was the day I drove a nail right into my own coffin.

 

I was a happy soul until the day I stopped loving me.

The day I chose to spend precious moments with those that meant nothing to me. The day I chose to give my time to people who felt nothing for me…

All the while ignoring, those that mattered. Giving my worst to those that strove to give me their best. The day I forgot to save the last dance for me… And I forgot to enjoy the melody of my life, so I could sing to their songs in tune…

The day I wanted to blend in, forgetting I was perfectly happy standing out. Sticking out like a sore thumb on hot summer day..

The day I forgot to be me.

The day I stopped being me.

That was whence I lost what used to be ME.

 

Breathe Again

A few weeks from now, I will be turning the Big Three O. Three decades is not a joke. Especially if you were forced by life to grow up before your time.

It has been one hell of a roller coaster of a journey for me. I am glad I will live to see it. Yes, I can profess that even though they say nobody knows about tomorrow. My work on this earth is just beginning.

Looking back at what has been, I made a lot more mistakes than I ever got anything right.Beneath the facade of being this happy and bubbly girl, I have dealt with more heartbreak than I would care to imagine. But that is besides the point.

I am not making this blog entry to mourn. Neither am I here to pour out my grief. No. I am not even here to spew my problems. Beyond reading and thinking to yourselves, that is sad, of what benefit will it be to me?

I choose instead to share out my lessons. What I have learnt. What life has taught me and most important what I Picked out. Education, after all , is what remains after you have forgotten what you learnt.

  1. Everyone has problems. Along my life’s sojourn I have gone through things that I thought no one else faced. Shock on me, being the veal and most outgoing person I think I am, I have interacted with lots of people. We have laughed and cried together. For most, what I thought were problems, I was put to shame. Yes, it may not be easy what you’re going through, but take comfort in the fact  that there could be, in fact there is someone going through worse than you are. You are not alone.
  2. Nothing is permanent. Nothing lasts. Be it the good or the bad. The most important thing is to make the best of every moment.
  3. It’s okay to cry. When you feel overwhelmed it’s alright to jerk a few tears. But don’t settle in that pity party for too long. If you get too comfortable shedding a tear please refer to number two above.☺️
  4. Not everyone will like you. I am a very outgoing and vocal person. I love talking to anyone who cares to lend me an ear. I used to think it was the recipe to getting people to like me. After all, I can strike a conversation with just about anyone and anything. Sadly, for that reason and many more, not very many people like me. A while back, that used to get onto my nerves. Not anymore. What will hurt you the most, is trying to be a people pleaser. If you have a few people that like you, you’re good to go.
  5. Choose who to love carefully. Relationships are amazing. They’re so much fun and they bring out the best in us. You’re always thinking and looking for new ways to make your partner happy and how to get the best out of life. You’re always glowing, and don’t stay mad for long.👊🏻. There’s always somebody who has your back through thick or thin. A healthy relationship does that to you.Most people unfortunately are in very toxic relationships. Very abusive relationships that snuff the life right out of your very being. What starts off as a fun affair, often ends up in a trail of destruction. Loss of the will to live and the saddest thing, those that suffer have no clue how to leave this situation. Even though it hurts them. An ideal relationship, IMO, is one that grows you not one that demands you to change your personality to fit into the other person’s life. A great relationship will put you to task to become your best and to give your best.
  6. Love your children. At my age, I am blessed to have two adorable children. Apart from those days I am screaming myself hoarse, “Stop what you’re doing.”  Or “If you do that one more time, I will beat the life out of you.” They have made my life rich. It is during my bleakest moments that all the silly things they did, crop up. Forcing me to smile of course. They push me to want to be better and to give them the absolute best. I fail a lot of the times. But I hope they grow up knowing just how much I love them. That they won’t be young forever and the least I can do is enjoy the moments they’re goofing around.😘
  7. Take a risk. A lot of my lessons have been learnt on the course of risk taking. Sometimes, in the midst of my regret, I pat myself on the shoulder for taking a path few would dare venture. Unless of course the risk doesn’t involve committing a felony, everything under this sky is ours for the taking.
  8.  Cut on your losses. Sometimes holding onto things and people that don’t add value to your life ends up hurting more than it gains you. It could be a bad job. A bad friendship. A bad relationship. Heck even a bad sibling. Life is too short to keep living in misery or to keep trying to right all the wrongs. Do what you can, when you can. Above all, set a limit for yourself. How many chances you can give to heartache. Hey, even candy crush has a limit of the number of lives you have , I suppose😜, as is common with most computer games.
  9. Put God First. This should have been the first of the points life’s lessons have taught me. And I say God because I am Christian. Always believe in a deity. So why does this come as the second last, we all,suffer go round in circles, trying to find solutions to all your problems before it finally occurs to us, there’s a greater being than ourselves. Well, I’m that kind of a person, sometimes. I will try my own remedies before I remember prayer works just as fine.
  10. Love yourself. Yes. Self love is paramount. Self love doesn’t mean you are selfish. No. It doesn’t mean you try control everyone around you. Self love means knowing what you can achieve and what you can’t. Self love is knowing you’re imperfect but still enjoy life anyway. Self love is dressing up on those days you feel the worst about yourself and doing what makes you happy. Self love is about being honest to yourself and to others. And knowing what your boundaries are. A lot of people will say that you have ego issues when you do not tolerate what doesn’t work for you. Ooh yes, they will say that you have too much self pride and that you cannot be helped or be loved by anyone. Smile. All those that think about you that way, are the chaff that needs to be separated from the wheat.

I cannot possibly wait to see what this new decade holds for me. I also hope that I will remember to apply every lesson I have learnt. It’s about time.

Happy Holidays.